He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
