i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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