Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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