I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
