Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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