just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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