Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
