Got a toothbrush?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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