Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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