Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
