after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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