Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
