I love black thongs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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