I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just had sex bonerless
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
