i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
