I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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