RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
