dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
