I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So vagazzling was a success
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
