haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
