so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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