32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
