the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
