Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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