They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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