I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
