Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
