I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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