if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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