I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
