i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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