hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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