Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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