she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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