i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
