I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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