i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I need moral support for this bender
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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