Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wanna go halves on a baby?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
