I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
