a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
