I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
