I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
