That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
