can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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