i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
