I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
