i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I looked at my own cervix.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
