i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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