Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
