I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
