I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize