like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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