My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
