Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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