Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
