Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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