Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
