You just made me feel so damn special
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
