I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
