Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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