Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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