I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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