my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
