my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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