Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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