Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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