I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
