Porn is love you can see.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
