Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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